Creating Environments for Children to Learn About Loving Themselves

On Valentine’s Day, many women hope that their true love will appear in their lives with candy, flowers, a dinner reservation and a flowery card professing love to them. Then, the story goes, they will be truly valued, have worth and be loved. For some people, this is a holiday that feels like a death because once again, there is no one arriving on their doorstep with gifts of love. They may put on a brave face about it, but at some point,in almost every woman’s life she has experienced her worth based on someone else loving or not loving her.

Somehow, as a society, I think we have missed the opportunity to create environments for our children to learn the path of self-love. To create environments where they feel encouraged to discover things about themselves and have the opportunity to either fail or succeed, as a life exploration.

Almost every morning, I wake up with a song playing in my head. I lay in bed and I listen to the words. It is the springboard for my day. It is a clue and a message of what is stirring within me. I have learned to listen and to learn.

The song this morning was a Stevie Wonder song called As. The words begin: 

As around the sun the earth knows she's revolving

And the rosebuds know to bloom in early May,

Just as hate knows love's the cure,

You can rest your mind assured, 

That I'll be loving you always.

The song was released in 1976 during a time when I was healing my heart. I felt lost not knowing what was next for me. I was working as a maid, a summer job in between my 1^st and 2^nd year of college. It was the perfect job for me. Hard work and lots of time by myself to reflect on my life. Phil Donahue was the talk show host I listened to, as I changed the bed sheets and cleaned the bathrooms at the hotel.

One of the things I love about this song, is the way I feel about it. When I heard the song this morning, I felt so much love for myself. It is a love song I have sung to myself, professing my love and telling myself, I'll be loving you always. 

Looking back to the beginning of early grade school, I can see a conditioning when we ask children who their boyfriend or girlfriend is. Or we validate their exclamation about the love of their life. They are rewarded for having this love relationship. Sharing Valentine’s in grade school. There is an expectation.

How often does an adult ask a child, how is your self-love going? How is that relationship right now? Are you spending enough time nurturing yourself?

I had a boyfriend in the first grade who gave me a bubble gum ring. I also played wedding in the neighborhood. I remember throwing my shoe at a boy I had professed love to and we were having a pretend wedding. I am not sure why I got angry and ran away from the pretend wedding ceremony, but maybe deep down inside I knew that something was missing.

As crazy as this may sound, I did not go to my 5 year high school reunion because I was not engaged or married. I had graduated from college, I had a full-time job I loved. I was living with my boyfriend of almost three years, but I wasn’t engaged. And for some crazy reason, I thought I had not accomplished enough to go back to high school for a reunion. I did not value myself enough. In this moment, I have so much compassion for myself that I had so little self-love at that point to think that.

In every transition in my life, the end of my first marriage, the autoimmune condition I had, the loss of loved ones and all of the every day challenges, the path to recovery and healing has always been self-love.

I think we need a movement of self-love in grade school and talk about nurturing that relationship, then spreading the love to be of service in the world. The romantic love will develop later as a natural part of life. We don't need to encourage it with young children.

I proclaim a self-love movement now!